You Need a New Boyfriend
A free forum to post your words of wisdom about ridiculous ex-boyfriends and their notable, quotable, you-can-do-better-than-this antics.

No strings attached

  • Celeste: So he came over last night.
  • Krista: And?
  • Celeste: Nothing. He wouldn't do it and just snugged basically.
  • I wanted him to leave.
  • Krista: Wouldn't do what?
  • Celeste: Eff. He was like, "I'm too tired and I didn't bring anything." I made a face and like whined and he goes, "I mean, I just don't come here to use you for sex... you should be happy about that."
  • Krista: hahah omg
  • Celeste: If your dudes into snuggling more than boning...
  • Krista: You need a new boyfriend.

Can I get a chaser with that?

He brags about downing Irish Car Bombs all night, but can’t finish his Manhattan at dinner. You need a new boyfriend who doesn’t drink beverages with a cocktail umbrella.

Grocery guy

  • Chelsea: You need a new boyfriend when he puts an empty gallon of milk back in the fridge instead of the recycling bin. Yes, Billy really did that today.
  • Kim: Your boyfriend is quite the catch.
  • Chelsea: I'm about to throw him back into the ocean. Last month he left a full half gallon of milk out all day. Why can't he just get it right?
  • Kim: I take it he failed home-ec.

A wrinkle in time

Would you rather be a nurse or a babysitter? 

You need a new boyfriend when people mistake your man for your father.

Remember, you don’t need a farter to stink up your life.

—a really wise girl friend

It’s all downhill from here

"You need a new boyfriend when he ditches you on the slopes during a couples ski trip, only to find yourself getting trashed at the lodge bar with a group of strangers, who end up having to drive you back to your condo."


Real stinker

"You need a new boyfriend when he farts on your head in front of a crowd of people and then laughs about with his friends. I showered right after…gross!"


See directions below

"If he logs more hours into Xbox then into your box, you need a new boyfriend.”

-@lisaduncombe via Twitter

Swiper, no swipin’

You need a new boyfriend if he leaves you for the ex-girlfriend who stole & maxed out his credit card and causes his car to be repossessed… only to find out later he let her do it again.

-Emily via e-mail

And, repeat.